CRUFTS 2011

Well,  I survived and have been to Crufts. It is a bit of a long story, so, for all you old farts out there – “If you are sitting comfortably, then I will begin” (remember that then?) ………

It all started a couple of days before we were due to leave for the NEC in Birmingham to recap, Chris went out to flush the water system through in the motorhome. He put some Milton Fluid in there and then turned the cold water tap on to flush out. Well, you have never seen anything like it, it gushed out from under the sink and filled the van !! – It was like an Irishman on the way home after drinking 10 pints of Guinness and peeing up the convent wall !! – He couldn't get to the nut to undo the tap, so, the fridge had to come out …….. what a palaver, but he did well as it only took an hour and a half !! – he still couldn’t reach the nut, so the metal cowling had to come out and then fat boy wouldn’t fit in the hole so still struggled to reach it. It was a broken bit of plastic and nowhere local had one – so he had to drive 50 miles to get it. Anyway the fridge went back in and all was sorted – anyway, you know all that if you read the entry before this …… now, it was my turn – a bath !!! – I am in water every chance I get, but if it’s in a bath or hosepipe, no way Jose ……. but in just one short hour, they turned me from this ….

into this …….

So, next morning, off we go to Brum and find the campsite fine …. nice place …. we sit down for a well earned cuppa and guess what? – There is a gas leak caused by where fat boy had moved the fridge – It was a case of boil the water quick and hope we didn’t go up like a suicide bomber in Baghdad ! – We had to get up at about half six next morning and into the NEC where we had to stay ALL day …….. I went into do my thing but the judge – who was quite obviously blind in one eye and partially sighted in the other didn’t give me a win and we had gone all that way for nothing. Well, I have a theory on that … as there were a couple of hundred other male Golden Retrievers and dogs from all over the World go to Crufts, then I must be in the top 200 male Goldies in the World and even more amazing than that, Chris wore TROUSERS and a TIE !!!

At last, it was time to go and I was pretty glad to get out of there – Can you imagine, there were 21,500 dogs there, how many times I got my jacksey sniffed ….. 10 or 20 times, that’s okay but somebody's cold wet nose up your rear end all day – enough was enough …. I have got this bag with all my stuff in it, brushes, combs etc. and Chris had it over his shoulder when we got back to the van. He put it on the ground to unlock the door and then forgot and drove off leaving it sat there in the middle of a huge car park!!!! – After about an hour back at the campsite, Maureen asked to see the photos and the penny dropped Kerrrrching …… the bag, I have left it in the car park …….. Maureen “Oh, Golly Gosh, oh flip how inconvenient” – or words to that effect because I have never heard words like I heard that night  …. “my purse is in the bag, and all my credit cards, £100 in cash and Chris’s camera”  …….. Don’t panic Mr Mainwaring …. it will be there or somebody will have handed it in. Rip the electric hook up lead out of the power supply and throw it in the outside cupboard on the van and drive like a loony back to the spot where Dumbo left it …… NO …. nothing …. he asked the car park bloke – NO mate nothing handed in and on it went, same answer with the bus drivers and security – NO, NO, NO …. with Maureen in tears, Chris goes to the Police Station to report it and as he walked up the stairs, there was a bloke in front carrying the bag …. all in tact and with everything in it …. after kissing the 6’ 3” security guard many times, he got back to the motorhome and Maureen forgave him and said he wasn’t quite such a dickhead after all !! – There are some nice people left in the World. We then drove back to the campsite and heard a bang and when we got to the roundabout, some bloke said “Did you know one of the flaps is open on the side of the van” – we pulled over and the bang was the electric hook up cable falling out and landing on the motorway !!! – No electric and no gas because remember, we have got a gas leak – (actually, with us two dogs and Chris in that little van, there was more than one gas leak I can tell you) - Chris went to the site office that night, and got the owner out of his house and managed to buy a new lead for £35 – so, as you can see, a pretty straight forward trip away with no hiccups at all …… well apart from getting lost trying to find a petrol station in Birmingham ……..

We eventually got home and because Rhea had been in the van while I was strutting my stuff, she wanted to watch it on telly that night, to see if she could see me and Chris …..

Then, with all the excitement, and for all you Magic Roundabout fans …….

Boing ! - “Time for Bed said Zebedee” ………..